I get asked this a lot. I always thought it was a strange question to ask somebody, until i started questioning my readiness for a family.
I have been with Mr Ormerod for almost 10 years. We met in a night club I used to go to every Friday night. It’s a well known club and has been around for years. It’s very popular for people who are on the more “alternative” scene. His memory of our meeting is “seeing what can only be described as a dark haired tornado in the centre of a dancefloor surrounded by hairy bearded men.” This was me enjoying myself, not caring how I looked when dancing and just letting go (Sambuca was most likely involved too, Vodka absolutely was). Safe to say I don’t remember much of this meeting. I wasn’t interested in meeting anybody I just wanted to have a good time with my friends. It was a quick “hello” introduction by a friend and then off back to the dance floor. A few weeks later I was at said friends house for a party. I had no make up on and wasn’t feeling particularly great so decided to not drink and to drive there and back instead. In walks Mr Ormerod. To cut a long story short, the night goes well. We have a chat about spiders and how much I hate them, he offers to be my spider catcher, I offer him a lift home and on the way I decide I’m not ready for home and kidnap him. We have a drive to the seaside town nearby, park up and have a chat. I eventually drop him home and wonder, as he is getting out of the car if he is going to ask for my number. He does (hurrah) and as they say, the rest is history and we have been together ever since.
Six years (ugh) and a house purchase later, he finally asks me to marry him (wohooo) at my cousins wedding in America in front of a lot of people who we have never met. This was actually arranged by the bride and groom. Apparently he was planning on doing it at some point over the two weeks we were there, but couldn’t decide when. He told the bride and groom and they thought it would be a brilliant idea to do it at their reception as I would suspect nothing, and I really didn’t. Well of course I said yes! two years later we are married.
I am now approaching the big 30. I have my job, we have our house and I have my husband. It’s been a year since our wedding and I just can’t shake the feeling something is missing. What could it be? I do some extra courses at university thinking perhaps I need more out of my job. Still not happy and unable to shake that feeling. I’m on a late shift at work and chatting to the sister in charge, she asks me what’s wrong. I tell her I don’t know. We have a good heart to heart and a proper chin wag and then it clicks. I want a family. Is it the right time? When is the right time? How do I know I’m ready? is Mr Ormerod ready? We don’t have any savings. Do we need savings? What about all the holidays and nice shoes I like to buy? I go home after a heavy shift and I cant sleep. I lay in bed thinking about all the things a baby brings. The pregnancy, the labour, the sleepless nights (used to that!) the money, how will we manage on maternity pay? The morning arrives and off to work I go (insert seven little men singing here). I have a chat with a friend of mine who has children and ask her, “when did you know you were ready?” She said she didn’t, it just happened and in her words “it’ll be reet, tis what it is get crackin”. I ask a few others and pretty much get the same response from all of them.
A few weeks pass by and we are on holiday in the beautiful Italy. We are there for one week along with my parents. I sit and think, would I have to give these little treats up if I had a baby? At this time I am people watching and notice how many families are around. Families with teeny babies, toddlers and teenagers. I realise if they can do it then so can I, but I’m still not sure. I decide to put it on the back burner and enjoy the rest of my holiday.
Now back home I have been asked to look after my niece for the day, while her mum has a well deserved break meeting her friends. At the time she is almost 1 year old. We have fun and play all day. She then gets sleepy. I sit her on my knee on the sofa and get comfy. I put a blanket over us both and snuggle up. I look at her little face and tired eyes, so innocent and loving and that’s when it hit me. Yes. It’s time. I am so ready for this. Not just a readiness but a longing.
I went home that night and told Mr Ormerod all about my day. All the new things our niece is doing and how she has changed so much in such a short amount of time. I tell him how I feel and ask him if he feels ready. We decide together that we will begin to try for our own little family.
There is no perfect time to start trying for a family. There will always be a reason to wait. To become more financially stable, to just treat yourself to those expensive designer shoes one more time, to book that exotic holiday for next year. For me it just felt right. It was a type of feeling that I just couldn’t explain. Just a “knowing” certainty. Crikey if I waited to become more financially stable I don’t think I would ever have become a mother. As for the holidays and shoes, they will come back into my life at some point. Right now though I am happy and I know we made the right decision.